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256. Hope  
18:07:00, November 13th, 2008
 
 
John Henry Holliday, DDS
"What did you hope for?" The priest sits by his bedside, not a friend exactly, but a voice and a kindness. He asks the right questions - the ones that are not quite intrusion but allow him to answer, to be a true person rather than a simple invalid to be washed and clucked over. There is no constant request for confession. He had been exorcised, washed clean in the pure mountains in Creede. The Catholic church has become familiar, reasonable, though he turns it to his own firm tenets. The man's fingers are warm and soft under his own bony ones still covered by the thin smooth gambler's skin. His wounds itch but he doesn't touch them, nor rub the bandages

John has not let himself hope for anything since he left Georgia. He had changed on that train, heading for Dallas, his future receding into the distance along with his past, becoming ever smaller, not dots but perfect miniatures of themselves to examine under the microscope of fever for the rest of his life.

Hope had always been too much to ask, accompanied as he was by Death. This had not meant there were no things for which he had worked. He had bought Lee - his chosen child - education and a future. He had worked for his friends, every one. He had worked to settle the West. No, that was Wyatt's dream.

No, he has not hoped. He has not worked for anything but his friends since he had become a dentist from his own vision and intention. But he has wanted. There have been things he wanted almost hungrily, even to madness. Wyatt. He has wanted to be known; wanted to know others; wanted a knowing eye to meet his; wanted an understanding hand on his wrist, sympathetic fingers in his hair. He has wanted friends and their shining respect for what he gave, for the wonders he could work. He has wanted to see them, to appreciate them soaring beyond him into the future, while he rode by their sides during the brief time given to him, breathless with exhilaration. Wyatt, and yes, others. He has wanted it so badly he has destroyed it. Not hope, but hunger.

Hope is treacherous whether he had life before him or not. Ever since the War and the lost idyll of Griffin, there has been nothing he had been permitted to touch and hold but it has been torn from him, or that he has not clenched so hard it had shattered.

"I am not yet dead," He answers the priest lightly. "It is too soon to speak of me in the past tense." To him it is a non-sequitur, though he is glad of the impetus to think of it. He has been dead twenty-five years and is stretching towards Heaven, where he will spend all of time with those he has loved.

Name: John H. Holliday, DDS.
Fandom: History.
Word Count: 486
Please comment if you wish.
affect: recumbentrecumbent
 
    Buck the Tiger - Rake in 6 Chips - - Address
 

(no subject)
 scytheandroses
 
2:37:13, November 14th, 2008 (UTC)
 
 
strained, half-stranded: Bob Dylan Isis
JOHN! :D

Mea apology... had to get that out there, though.

And nice, dude. The hope versus hunger thing... Ye-es. Eenteresing, if yeh will. And curse that notion of hope, indeed. Hrm and hrm... Failing at saying anything particularly comprehensible, but yes, thumbs up, and glad to see it, aye.
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(no subject)
 john_h_holliday
 
3:06:41, November 14th, 2008 (UTC)
 
 
John Henry Holliday, DDS: me flash
Aw, thank you so much.
It means a lot that you're reading and all.
I've been reading all your great posts with the great way you write. I don't always always comment, but I always read 'em and I'm certain you've improved my writing no end!
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(no subject)
 wytchcroft
 
3:06:54, November 14th, 2008 (UTC)
 
 
wytchcroft: shot of bob
seconded!:)
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(no subject)
 john_h_holliday
 
3:13:58, November 14th, 2008 (UTC)
 
 
John Henry Holliday, DDS: Never to be Old
Hey there! Well thank you very much. And thanks for reading.
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(no subject)
 wytchcroft
 
3:29:49, November 14th, 2008 (UTC)
 
 
wytchcroft
oh i am a big fan! not to get all gushy but - you can really write, and the overall effort and attention to detail is remarkable.
 
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ooc
 zippyknowsbest
 
20:26:11, November 14th, 2008 (UTC)
 
 
Zipporah "Zippy" Levine: Meshugah
This one was wonderful, hon. :)

http://community.livejournal.com/ficrecfriday/60022.html (Look, others think so too!)
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