John does not cook.
He takes his meals at lunch-counters and restaurants.
He has hired others to cook for him on the trail.
Nevertheless, here he is in a modern supermarket.
First he wanders the liquor aisle, amazed and bemused. It seems like a dream - everything is available in such bewildering array he cannot take it in. He buys what he fancies.
He has a basket and quickly fills it with:1.
Laphroaig single malt scotch2.
Southern Comfort (That sounds remarkably home-like)3.
Double chocolate beer (?!!! - four bottles)4.
Ironstone Symphony wine (someone told him it tasted like flowers)5.
Razor's Edge red wine (it had a straight razor on the label)6.
McGillicuddy's peach schnapps (peach schapps!)7.
Peach cooler (well, it says peach - four bottles for they are small.)
John cannot carry more and someone kindly shows him how to get a cart.
Asking further, remembering the beautiful campfire on the beach he buys:8.
Chocolate bars (milk, white and dark chocolate !!!)10.
Toasting forks ($6!!! he remembers Gabriel complaining)
He wanders randomly after this and buys:12.
a Pecan pie15.
Jello cubes (how they wriggle !!!???)17.
Good organic whole milk18.
A large and crusty round loaf of fancy bread with olives in it21.
Cultured butter (always best to be cultured and he can afford the best)22.
Sliced Garlic Roast Beef24.
Sliced Chicken Breast25.
A baked chicken in a basket26.
A small round of smoked gouda cheese (he is confused by the cheese choices, but this looks familiar)27.
Tinned spaghetti in tomato sauce - 3 (he remembers how Morgan liked nice fresh spaghetti and the label makes it look so good)28.
A jar of mustard pickles34.
A jar of beetroot pickles35.
A box of dried apricots36.
A box of whole pecans37.
A Christmas cake with thick marzipan
Eventually he comes to the personal care products and is delighted. He looks for peppermint oil for his hair, but alas... He remembers the wonders of his first modern bath and fills the cart with pleasant-smelling items. He needs nothing for shaving, he thinks, picturing his beautiful shaving set, complete and perfect.38.
Garnier hair oil in its clear round bottle like an apple39.
The beautiful silky peach lubricant40.
Vanilla body lotion41.
Tropical Fruit shampoo42.
Tropical Fruit conditioner43.
A shampoo that promises soft luxuriant curls46.
A conditioner that promises soft luxuriant curls47.
Some styling gel (??!!!) that matches and also promises soft luxuriant curls48.
A rainbow array of coloured fruit flavoured gellatin soaps that smell... delicious49.
Soap that contains 'lotion' (how is it possible?)50.
A bottle of foaming 'antibacterial' peach hand soap51.
A bubble bath in a bottle shaped like a cartoon dog (Scooby-Doo apparently)52.
A bottle of clear but vibrant blue bubble bath in a tapered bottle53.
A box of bath salts that promise softness and smell almost tangy54.
A box of bath salts that promise to be invigorating55.
Foot cream that smells like warm elaborate talc56.
Hand cream that comes in an attractive round blue container57.
A yellow plastic duck
John eschews the pharmacy, wary and remembering the folly of tinctures of mercury. Hearing his cough an elderly woman offers him something called 'Buckley's Mixture' but it smells suspiciously of pine oil. He delights in the tooth care aisle, though he is again suspicious of the pastes. He is delighted by the array of tooth brushes however and purchases many varieties.58.
toothbrush with rubber bristles63.
toothbrush with a swivel top64.
toothbrush with hard blue bristles in a circular pattern65.
toothbrush with angled bristles66.
toothbrush with zigzag topped bristles67.
toothbrush featuring a 'tongue cleaner'68.
a regular hard toothbrush69.
a regular medium toothbrush70.
a regular soft toothbrush71.
a child's toothbrush with Bob the Builder on it72.
a packet of mojito flavoured Orbit gum
Eventually he makes it to the checkout counter, where he is gently steered from the Express line. Naturally, he pays cash.Name: John H. Holliday, DDS.
List Items: 72
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Nulli Virtute Secundus